Today, I was coached by 3 masters, one at a time. It was just the way it worked out because of timing. Their individual encouragements to 'redo' the walk for atonement because each time I checked in i had revealed my most recent self revelations to them and it appeared that i had not 'reached a satisfactory result." The comments that triggered my 'redos' were all related to the self criticism/criticism of others. Like, "I always have more to criticized about myself than I do about others." And "I could be out there for a year and not be done with it. I've always been self critical, I am not going to clean up years of doing this in a couple of days!" So in my third redo (which I resisted), words from Jennifer Giroux (my master) come to be one key to my self revelation. She said "the criticisms we have of others are often the same criticisms we have of ourselves."

On this walk, I chose to walk on an "illegal" path through one of the mulched beds. (I don't usually do things I am not "supposed" to.) But it felt so much better to fell the dirt and vark beneath my feet. So much better than concrete or asphalt. It was in this last 'redo" that I had a huge self revelation. One habit I have is to cut people out of my life when they disappointment me or transgress against me. And then I realized, THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING TO MYSELF! I have disappointed myself and have stopped believing in myself. Effectively, I have cu myself out of my life. The revelation was like a lightening bolt to my soul. It feels HUGE, like a sea change. I feel free, and at peace.

One other thing is that after my usual cry, instead of my self criticism about crying (which makes me cry even more) I was able to calm my mind relatively quickly using my new tools from resurfacing. I could FEEL the resurfacing. Then, of course, in checking in with Jennifer and again in the debrief, I cried each time, as i retold the story, letting myself feel the combination of sadness and joy. But again, when while talking to others about this life long self-criticizing belief I have just shattered-I could use the tools to quiet my mind.

WWOW! Thank you Harry. this experience has changed my life. I fee empowered t reach my life goal of community service for the betterment of the human condition. I would be less able to make a difference if I continue to be my own worst critic.
Thank you so much!
PS.I loved what Avra said to me yesterday
"You are confusing 'being' with being invisible."
Very Helpful! Thanks Avra.
Michelle Lyberg
Atlanta GA